I got the Shitz
I got the shitz… Not just the shitz…. I got the super shitz…. the shitz no trucker wants. Here is how I fell into a shitz problem and what I did to change it. This story could be you….or you soon. So, here’s my story…
As an aspiring fresh trucker, I found myself, nervous, scared, and anxious, all at the same time. I was scraping a dime for my time and wondering where my life was headed, but it wasn’t long before my life fell into a lumpy, unwell trucker who could barely walk around the truck….that was the beginning of a long shitz problem….that kept me on the side of the road more than at truck stops… This is how it happened…
Just like everyone, I started chasing the paper. I wanted to make the most amount of money possible; I was looking at every angle possible….from flatbed to box trailer to reefer. I found myself being consumed by the ceiling one can make practically….and what it takes to get there…
Along the way I lost control over my truck and how I wanted it set up. I wasn’t worried about a budget; the paper was good and I wasn’t interested in slowing down. Therefore, I was only worried about making money….so I started eating everything in every store, from Pilot to Love’s to any crackpot truck stop that sold a bunch of shit…they call food!!!
It was plentiful. I found Arby’s, McDonald’s, Wendy’s….and everything else under the sun. As time went by, I started eating Fried chicken to Pizza to whatever I can find…but it wasn’t long before the Shitz began.
Time has flown by and I let myself go. I found myself stopping more than I wanted…sometimes twice a day just to take a shit. …and it showed. My routes started taking longer to get the same amount of work done. I felt bad, nauseated….and got the shitz….and when it hit me…it didn’t slow down. That’s when it dawned on me….if I can time my shitting….I can control the outcome of my runs….LOL…
(This might sound stupid, but it’s my story and sticking to it. So, Let’s continue.)
I didn’t change my diet much…I continued to snack, continued to eat food on the road….but I started changing the time I ate. I thought, “if I eat within my 4 hr window, I will shit when I park”…and that is what I did…and it was good for a while.
Time started going bye again, and I didn’t like being on the road, in the truckstop, or on some ancient relic with plenty of use hitting this gorgeous, sexy, tushy… the idea of shitting often, even with baby wipes, just made me feel nasty. I showered every couple days, but I could start to smell myself mildly. “Am I starting to turn into a shitty trucker,” I thought. Damn…money was good, my health was down….and I put myself into a shitty situation….damn.
I fell into a near Diabetic problem just by eating badly on the road.
(Don’t laugh…its a true story…and this is how it changed….all about the paper..” If paper ain’t good, why am I here.)
So I started making small changes. “I’m making good money at this point, so I had an apifiny; What if I start bringing food and make a piss poor attempt of bringing microwavable food instead of eating on the road.? I don’t know what to bring; I don’t know how to cook…and I have scoured the market for coolers….refrigerators, just anything to make life a little better….or would it even make a difference?
All I could find was a Coleman that plugged into the lighter….which I melted 3 different coleman plugs; It wasn’t going to work well…but it helped me in the right path.
Since I couldn’t find coolers, I just stopped eating my second meal. I still snacked, though. What? I’m bored…Damn.
Then I discovered, it takes 3500 calories to make one pound of body fat.
Click above to check out…
I wanted to find a way to get off the soda…without the caffeine withdrawals. As I started looking around, I found water flavoring pack’s that had caffeine; the caffeine was more then in a Dr. Pepper but a fraction of the calories. Although it would only work for me sometimes, I still wanted that “FILLED” feeling; I wanted to feel full. After all, I had grown from 220lbs to a staggering 280lbs.
I was at the end of my witz…and I was at the end of my belt. I was in the last notch, and it wasn’t getting any looser.
This was enough, I thought. I can barely climb into my truck, good luck in the back of the trailer, and it started effecting not just my health, wellbeing, and stamina; Now it is affecting my Money!
“Why my money,” you ask? I was spending more time in the bathroom or side of road or evening embarrassingly trash canning it, which some don’t get the luctury of doing, only to find it was affecting my parking times’ my time which could be to myself doing something better, and I thought I was “Puff” the magic dragon. Even though that secretly can be funny, it wasn’t.
If you are fat like me, then you are FAT. You are not big-boned. Change with me…
I eventually found my dream job, and I wanted to start new. I teamed up with a guy who actually owned a real cooler. Why didn’t I find a real cooler? It held a temperature of 34° Degrees Fahrenheit and never failed. He offered to share it with me….So, it wasn’t long before I found luctury. That is when I found, microwavable products. Yum…now I can cut my food bill…I thought.
I slowly started to feel better, I can now breathe, and I was slowly starting to see my Dick again. Where did you go? I knew where he went, I fell into the “Dickie-Do” Club. It’s when your tummy hangs out further then your Dickie-Do. Now my manhood started sprouting and I was in hog heaven. I wanted to do more.
I am on a fixed route. What if I sign up for Planet Fitness and showered? I found it was 20 dollars at that time, all the showers I want. I was on there “Black” plan which means I can go to any Planet Fitness up to “I think” 20 times. This is not practical for most truckers because the runs very; parking is mostly a challenge if at all. It was a good idea…almost. As more time went bye, I realized my dream job would change do to a bid war…but that is for a later time.
My wife started making pre wrapped burritos. Actually, they were Fajitas but I made burritos out of it..lol.
I continued to make small changes; I started drinking more coffee, tea, flavored water and started enjoying my life. Life was great. my over-eating- shitting -problem disappeared. I was detoxed, lighter, and my notches on my belt started growing again; I was losing weight.
I went from trailmix to diced fruits, and even started getting bold in taking “Smoked Salmon.” My change was to take an already high bill of living on the road from truckstop to truckstop, to bringing quality foods that will help my immune system, boost in antioxidants, and support gut health…and I finally succeeded.
For the first time it dawned on me how important it was to do everything I could to bring my shitz to a stop. I took the slow way of learning, but that wasn’t where I ended. I lost 50lbs of weight….from 280lbs to 230lbs.
I never knew what people meant by “being trapped in your own body,”…but when I grew that big I finally understood. my body was performing as a 60yr old as opposed to my 40’s. So, I changed it.
I was such a cheap skate, I refused to accept an expensive, quality cooler. If you are a trucker, a real cooler will pay for itself. Don’t be Cheap…you bastard…lol.
Apparently, due to the buildup of eating constantly on the road, It was an overflow of shitz…I mean, your intestines can bind up, back up, and pop like a volcano all through the day. Stopping at truck stops starts to hurt your pocket, not to mention food costs, so heave my warning….invest in a cooler right the first time…don’t let the shitz get you…
Because, I stopped consuming a ton of food, I stopped shitting so much. Don’t let boredom force you to eat. Peel back slowly, even if its one step of the time.
Note: in the beginning changing your diet could cause a detox effect. You might shit your brains out…but when you’re done, I promise you’ll feel better.
From one struggling trucker to another.